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I would love to be able to say with absolute certainty that I am meant to be a Yankton Benedictine.  I can’t do that.  What I can say is that as I reflect back and as I look forward, I truly believe that God is calling me to be a Yankton Benedictine.

 I’m the type of person who wants a book to fall from the sky, hit me on the head, and open up telling me exactly what I am to do and when I am to do it.  I want that detailed diagram of my life so I know I’m not making a mistake.  However, as S. Marielle Frigge keeps pointing out, that will never happen and I need to accept the grayness of life.  Slowly that wisdom is starting to sink in, but I must admit that at times, I still wish for the book!  My vocation call has been more of a whisper – listening for God in the gentle breezes - than it has been a lightning strike.

 I was raised on a farm south of Wagner, SD.  I had a basic, ordinary upbringing chock-full of farm wisdom, ethics and values.  Ours was a typical farm with all the regular farm animals and some not so typical ones, thanks to my two younger brothers Clay and Casey.  My parents still farm, and now my brothers have joined the timed-honored tradition of family farming. 

 I believe farm life instilled in me a true sense of what it means to be family, community, and committed to a way of life.  I was also blessed to grow up with my grandparents nearby.  Grandpa and Grandma Payer still only live a couple miles away from my parents and my Grandpa and Grandma Klug only live an hour away.  They were all very much a part of my life and taught me, then and now, much about stability and faithfulness.  My Grandpa and Grandma Payer celebrated fifty-four years of marriage this past June. 

 I learned about the awesomeness of creation and the value of stewardship from my father.  The responsibility of caring for the earth and for God’s creatures continues to guide the decisions on our family farm.  A hilltop in one of the pastures is where my dad loves to go to survey all the beauty of nature for miles around.  He claims there is nothing more beautiful than newborn Black Angus calves playing in a green pasture. I have to agree!

 I learned the value of hospitality from my mom.  She always makes time for people, listens to them and shares who she is with everyone.  She is the same person with everyone she meets.  She is a very generous person and a dependable friend.  Mom can stretch a dinner for five into one for ten people in a matter of minutes and no one walks away from the table hungry. Mom has the gift of making people feel valued in her presence.

 Our family neighbors taught me much about community and being able to depend on others.  I still know that I can call on any of them at any time and they will do whatever is possible to help in any situation. They constitute my many second moms and dads. 

 I was raised in a good, basic Catholic farm family.  We always went to church, helped with the parish bazaar, attended CCD, and all the other typical church activities.  We didn’t sit around discussing church doctrine or pray the rosary together every night (not that there is anything wrong with either of those).  That just wasn’t my family.  We are officially members of St. John the Baptist Church in Wagner, but we also attended Mass at Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary in Dante, SD.  I claim both as my home parish.  These faith communities provided me with a basic foundation of faith and worship.

 When it came time to choose a college, I figured as long as I’m paying for my education, it might as well be a Catholic one.  Throughout life, there was no question but that the choice would be Mount Marty in Yankton.  I had attended many Search retreats there, felt comfortable on campus, and I knew a few of the sisters from having participated in a couple of Come and See experiences during Junior High.  It seemed like the perfect choice. But about half way through my senior year in high school I decided I wanted to be more than an hour away from home, so I checked out Creighton University in Omaha, NE.  I was convinced that was the right college for me, until we went for a campus visit.  When the tour guide said I should never walk across campus by myself, and definitely never go to the parking lot alone, my parents freaked out.  I was still convinced it was the place for me, but my parents thought differently.  Considering that I was later chosen as Mount Marty’s 2001 Outstanding Young Alum, you can tell who won the college argument.  I must thank my parents for that.  Mount Marty was a wonderful place for me to grow, explore, learn, question, and be challenged on an intellectual and spiritual basis.  I was involved in many activities on campus and got to know more and more of the sisters through classes and visits to the monastery.  The summer between my sophomore and juniors years, I, along with two other women, participated in the Learn and Earn experience at the monastery.  We lived and worked with the sisters.  This was a very eye-opening experience for me.  At the end I knew it was a life that was absolutely, positively not for me!  In no uncertain terms I knew I was not going to be a nun.  I still felt it was a great life – for other people.  By this time, I had friends who had joined the community, so I still spent time at the monastery --  on a purely social level (or so I thought).

 I graduated in 1996 with a BA in accounting and minors in business administration, management information systems and religious studies.  I decided I was not ready to be married to my calculator and tax tables, so I accepted a position at Loras College in Dubuque, IA, as a residence hall director.  I had been an RA for three years at the Mount and I enjoyed working with people in that setting.  I was at Loras for three years, and no matter what I tried, something just didn’t feel right.  I loved my work.  Living in the residence halls gave me the opportunity to be with the students and to help them grow outside of a classroom setting.  Every once in awhile, one of the residents would let me know how much something I did or said affected his or her life.  It was a time of growth for me and a time of learning and discovering that not everyone was raised with the family values I knew.  I also discovered how much hurt some people carry and how much they want someone to listen to and value them. I learned to listen.

 In the meantime, I received letters from the sisters that often threw me into a tizzy.  They were just social letters, but I couldn’t handle it and didn’t want to figure out why I was so upset.  I decided to just ignore my thoughts and hope they would go away.  I kept involved in church activities and taught religious education for a couple of the parishes in Dubuque.  I figured I had the knowledge and therefore the responsibility of sharing my faith with others by teaching religious education classes.  I taught 9^th grade pre-confirmation and 1^st grade.  I learned so much from both sets of classes.  I believe one truly understands one’s faith only when they try to teach others.  It was a challenging and wonderful experience.

 In what would be my last year at Loras, a new Vice-President for Student Affairs was hired.  She asked us to each meet with her individually to become acquainted.  About 20 minutes into my session with her, she said, “I know I just met you and this is entirely out of context, and I must say that I’m not Catholic, but have you ever thought about being a nun?”  I couldn’t believe it!  Wherever did this come from?!  After I calmed down, I realized this was probably as close as I was going to get to that book falling from the sky.  So, on my way home for Christmas, I stopped in Yankton to visit.  I met with S. Marietta Kerkvliet to find out what I would need to do to get back on track, thinking this would take a year or so.  She gave me a packet of information and I went on my way home for Christmas break.  When I got back to campus a few weeks later, I looked at this “packet of information.”  It wasn’t a packet of information, it was an application.  After I screamed and dropped it on the floor, I managed to avoid it for another couple of months.  Eventually, I scheduled interviews with S. Marietta which I subsequently cancelled a week before they were to take place.  I blamed it on being sick and on having too much to do, but basically I just couldn’t do it.  I chickened out.

 Well, I finally worked up enough courage to go through the interviews, and I haven’t regretted it.  It hasn’t been an easy road and many times I question my sanity, but I’m grateful God has called me to Sacred Heart Monastery and that the sisters have welcomed me and are helping me to grow.  I know that it is during the rough times that I have learned more about myself and grown closer to my community.

 I entered Sacred Heart Monastery on August 29, 2002, along with Carmy Luke and Carol Baumert.  Carmy and Carol Jean VanDenHemel (my freshman roommate) were the other two who participated in Learn and Earn with me.  It took the three of us a while, but eventually we all joined the monastery.   The first year, I once again found myself teaching religious education and learning so much from the students.  This time I taught in the 7^th and 9^th grade classrooms at St. Benedict’s parish.  I took a year off for the novitiate and then taught once more in the 9^th grade program.  It was a treat to have some of the same students that I had taught when they were 7^th graders.  It was very moving to see how much their faith lives had grown in that year.

 During the 2001-2002 academic year, I ministered in the Registrar’s Office at Mount Marty as the advising module coordinator working with a program to help facilitate academic advising.  The experience taught me a lot about working with people and it was a wonderful opportunity to be back on a college campus. 

 Currently, I am attending graduate school at Creighton University (I finally get to attend classes at Creighton!), pursing a Masters in Business Administration and a Masters of Science in Information Technology.  I hope to be able to teach at Mount Marty after finishing my graduate studies.  I look forward to sharing my life and helping to shape the lives of the students just as so many have helped to shape my life.

 My religious community and my family continue to support and guide me as I journey as a Yankton Benedictine.  I made temporary profession on August 5, 2001, along with S. Carmy and S. Carol.  I am currently in the second year of temporary profession and look forward to growing more fully in this Benedictine way of life.

 I am challenged every day to listen to the whispers of God in my life and I am learning to trust more and more in the direction in which those whispers are guiding me.